Yesterday I couldn't do anything all day. Well, that's not true, I actually painted all day long, non stop, but I could barely get up from the couch just from pain, fatigue, and plain not feeling well. The painting was a great distraction and amazingly I felt creative, and was able to focus on it, … Continue reading 2 AM Start
My last Doctors appointment was the first one in probably 2 years I did not leave and immediately have an emotional break down over. After every appointment I have the same reaction, with any of my Doctors. I cry. I feel hopeless. I then feel angry. Then hopeless again. Then eventually this level of acceptance … Continue reading Snowy Saturday and an update
I've been living in houses heated solely with wood since I was 16 and left home. You'd think I'd be good at starting fires... and the truth is, I actually can be if I have the right things and take my time. I know how. But in the house I often like to rush in … Continue reading The morning fire
And because one of my conditions happens to be Sjogren’s Syndrome, I can’t even cry because I cannot produce tears. I cannot cry out of sadness, or happiness, for emotional relief. I am in pain. And it’s all consuming. I hurt from the tips of my toes right up to the top of my head. … Continue reading I am in pain.
I am grieving every single day for the loss of the woman I was and the woman I had wanted to become. I don't want to live in a place of loss, but it's so hard not to be overwhelmed by it. I have done nothing but loose things and little is reminding me of … Continue reading The woman I was…