I've written a million times.... OK maybe a thousand... about how horrible it feels when a writer cannot write. It's the same as when a painter can no longer paint, a farmer can no longer farm (yes I realize these are all references to things I do) but you get my point. My passions and … Continue reading Finding my words
I have never really realized where some of my behaviors have come from since I got sick. There are certain things I've started doing since I became ill, that I recognize that I do. Like isolate during pain flares. But there are plenty of things I haven't realized yet, or am just starting to recognize … Continue reading Sometimes I just go away… but I come back…
Yesterday I couldn't do anything all day. Well, that's not true, I actually painted all day long, non stop, but I could barely get up from the couch just from pain, fatigue, and plain not feeling well. The painting was a great distraction and amazingly I felt creative, and was able to focus on it, … Continue reading 2 AM Start
My last Doctors appointment was the first one in probably 2 years I did not leave and immediately have an emotional break down over. After every appointment I have the same reaction, with any of my Doctors. I cry. I feel hopeless. I then feel angry. Then hopeless again. Then eventually this level of acceptance … Continue reading Snowy Saturday and an update
I've been living in houses heated solely with wood since I was 16 and left home. You'd think I'd be good at starting fires... and the truth is, I actually can be if I have the right things and take my time. I know how. But in the house I often like to rush in … Continue reading The morning fire
And because one of my conditions happens to be Sjogren’s Syndrome, I can’t even cry because I cannot produce tears. I cannot cry out of sadness, or happiness, for emotional relief. I am in pain. And it’s all consuming. I hurt from the tips of my toes right up to the top of my head. … Continue reading I am in pain.
The puppies... the puppies are... about half grown! I cannot believe how fast they are growing. It's always amazing how quickly these little/big guys grow. They are clumsy as ever as their feet are pretty much the same size as the rest of their body. It's like they are learning to walk again as they … Continue reading Puppy therapy